Brad Rock: Rock On: LDS ballplayer: How 'bout a Coke and a smile?

QUESTIONABLES

Some quotes are destined to be sports classics, like Allen Iverson's "We're talking about practice!" and Patrick Ewing's "We make a lot but we spend a lot."

Now comes another, compliments of 19-year-old Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper, who after a 3-hit game last week was asked by a reporter whether he planned to celebrate with a beer. Harper is LDS.

His response: "Clown question, bro."

Which means it's also probably a bad time to ask whether he expects to stay in the majors for more than a cup of coffee.

CHRISTIAN-ITY

Michael Jordan?

Yeah, he was OK, too.

Karl Malone was asked last week on "The Dan Patrick Show" how he would start his own personal Dream Team. Said Malone: "I would have to start my team with Scottie Pippen. This is why I would take Scottie: Do you remember the time that Michael retired? I watched Scottie Pippen when the Chicago Bulls weren't really good and Scottie led that team in every statistical category, and I just remembered that."

Fine, but Pippen also once refused to return to a game because his number wasn't called on a play.

Still, Rock On isn't about to nitpick. He's the scribe who started his fantasy league team by selecting Christian Laettner.

So as Oz said to Dorothy, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

FALSE START

Southern Utah University's Cam Levins won the 5,000- and 10,000-meter runs at the NCAA outdoor track championships. At one point this year, he had the fastest time in the world in the 10,000 and the second-fastest in the 5,000.

Indoors, he ran a sub-four mile (3:57) and placed third and fourth in the NCAA indoor championships. He is a shoo-in for the Canadian Olympic team.

So naturally, SUU named a member of its 14-17 basketball team as its Athlete of the Year.

This just in: The SUU awards committee has also nominated Eddie Murphy as Actor of the Decade.

GDANSK GAFFE

Andrzej Bojanowski, deputy mayor of Gdansk, Poland, on hosting EuroCup 2012: "I thank residents and city employees for behaving like normal civilized white people toward our guests who have in turn also behaved like normal white people."

Just wondering, does this particular white guy seem normal to anyone?

email: rock@desnews.com

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