Mad cow disease reared its frothing head again last week. This is the disease that makes you think you can still win the GOP nomination even though your name isn't Mitt.
Most candidates simply drop out of the race when things get hopeless. Only Newt Gingrich decides to do a weeklong farewell tour.
Meanwhile, former President Jimmy Carter said last week he would be comfortable with Mitt Romney as president. What a dirty, sneaky Democratic Party campaign trick.
The Jordan School District unveiled its first school buses with ads last week. How long until a kid gets so mesmerized by a picture of Ronald McDonald that he misses the bus?
Some people were worried that school bus ads would unduly influence children. That's right, because most American kids have never seen commercials before.
The Senate voted last week to give the heavily indebted Postal Service a bailout. Unfortunately, the bill got lost in the mail on the way to the House.
Last week the United Nations told Syria it was in "contravention" of the peace plan. Kind of like Bernie Madoff was in contravention of honest accounting practices, or a nuclear bomb is in contravention of life as we know it.
Analysts now believe the missiles North Korean President Kim Jong-un paraded through Pyongyang earlier this month were poorly constructed fakes. For one thing, they were painted in bright colors and had Fisher Price labels on the side.
Word to the wise: If you're an athlete known for violent outbursts, don't change your name to World Peace.
Ron Artest of the Lakers officially changed his name to Metta World Peace before this season. Last week he was tossed from a game for viciously elbowing another player. Headline writers everywhere rejoiced.
Should it be, "NBA suspends World Peace," or "World Peace angers authorities"? Either way, you can't lose.
Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter: @jayevensen.
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