Kids say guilty working parents can chill out
Study says most of those children don't feel ignored

NEW YORK -- Relax.

That's what most children want to say to their guilt-ridden working parents, who fret that they're not spending enough time with their kids.Most children of working parents don't feel ignored, and think they do spend enough time with their moms and dads, a groundbreaking study reveals. Children also give working -- although not workaholic -- fathers and mothers as high parenting marks as non-working parents.

"The problem isn't that mothers (and fathers) work. It is how we work," says Ellen Galinsky, a work-family researcher who spent five years studying the issue for her book, "Ask the Children: What America's Children Really Think About Working Parents."

Her surveys of nearly 1,000 children ages 8 through 18 and 600 parents found that children want parents who are less stressed and less tired, so that when families are together, they can really connect.

"More time isn't at the top of children's lists," says Galinsky, whose work represents the most comprehensive study yet published of the views of children growing up in dual-career families.

About 70 percent of mothers now work, up from 40 percent in 1970. That revolution has inspired researchers to study the impact of mothers' work on children, and fathers' changing role in the family.

Galinsky, who founded the nonprofit Families and Work Institute a decade ago, spent four years preparing for the book, even initially sending her 21-year-old daughter out to interview children on playgrounds to get a sense of their views.

The 600 parents, who all worked, were polled by telephone. The 1,000 children of both working and non-working parents filled out questionnaires at school. As well, Galinsky and her aides interviewed 175 additional families in-depth.

Although she surveyed a relatively small number of people, her findings are important, said Rosalind Barnett, a Brandeis University psychologist who co-authored "She Works/He Works," a book on dual-earning couples.

"Her book shows that kids in two-earner families feel they're loved, feel appreciated, that parents put them ahead of their jobs," she said.

In particular, the book underscores recent research showing that a mother's work doesn't harm children. In Galinsky's research, the fact that a mother worked never predicted how well she cared for her child.

"It is who the mother is as a person and the relationship she establishes with her child, along with her values, that are the important factors," writes Galinsky.