Gratitude just as important as dowries for today's brides

A thank-you card from a newlywed couple arrived in our mailbox in record time. I was impressed with the bride’s timeliness and thoughtful words of gratitude but then realized she must have swapped the card with my in-laws because we didn’t give cash.

I’ll be certain to forward the card to my mother-in-law since she rightfully equates a person’s character with their ability to recognize gifts in written form — with a stamp.

And I admit, I agree.

I also recently received a thank-you message on Facebook from a couple who’s about to celebrate their first anniversary. I’ll never complain of the effort, especially because now they’re expecting a child and need to buy diapers instead of stamps. But I often wondered if they liked our gift of choice, and a card would have been nice to receive in return.

I follow in my mom’s gift-giving footsteps when it comes to weddings. I like to give household items that a newlywed couple would never buy themselves. I stockpile ice cream machines and fun serving dishes to prepare for such events. My husband throws in tools or jumper cables if he’s close to the groom because he still rolls his eyes when he hears the word “Pyrex.”

For our own wedding, box after box was another wonderful size or shape of glass cookware or measuring cups — all of which still fill my pantry shelves and have been used daily for 17 years.

Other things that remain in our possession after all these years are a dozen envelopes with 29-cent stamps that contain notes of thanks for other wedding gifts. For various reasons, they were never mailed or have incomplete addresses — and the guilt prevents me from ever tossing them.

Somewhere in the world, my husband’s third cousin once removed or my dad's business associate must think I’m short on character because I didn’t successfully send my card of thanks.

I entertain a half-crazy dream that one day, I’ll meet these mystery persons at a family reunion or walking down the street and be able to pull the very belated, yellowing thank-you card from my purse, share a laugh and regain character points.

In the meantime, I congratulate brides who endure to the end of the rituals and succeed in mailing all their cards.

While dowries and trousseaus are memories of the past, gift-giving traditions at weddings still help new couples create a home out of their basement apartment, renovated chicken coop or temporary pit stop on their tandem adventure into a new life.

It’s kind to be generous givers, and it’s generous for brides and grooms to be kind in return with gratitude — on a card, with a stamp and sometime before your six-month anniversary.

Stacie Lloyd Duce is a columnist and magazine editor featured regularly in several Montana and Utah publications. Her columns appear Thursdays on www.desnews.com. EMAIL: duceswild7@gmail.com