Dealing with teenage boundaries

Even teenagers are into psychology these days.

My 17-year-old son came to me the other day, announcing he is establishing some “boundaries.” I am now forbidden from asking any questions about his grades or study habits.

There was no mention of what got us here, he having academically tanked his freshman, sophomore and junior years of high school in favor of a social life, sports and girls.

In order to maintain his vital privileges — cellphone, activities with friends, etc. — he found himself under close scrutiny this first quarter of his senior year, for the first time in his life. Knowing the talents of our good son, my wife and I knew that with a bit of motivation, performance for him would be a no-brainer.

He pulled a B+ average without breaking a sweat.

However, toward the end of the term, old habits began creeping back: not turning in some assignments, getting behind, missing tests and even some classes. His explanation: He is in the school play and said he is feeling some "stress."

This young man strongly desires to get his driver’s license. Applying a modicum of parental wisdom, we have now tied this to keeping up his class assignments and attendance and maintaining good grades.

This has now pushed him over the top.

We have now entered the ranks of draconian parents leaving our children in rags and feeding them gruel. As he reacted, I could almost hear the straining child voices from the play “Oliver!” pining for “food, glorious food!” while the heartless adults refuse and look on in scorn.

What is the source of his frustration? Our "transparency" into his life and academics. This is modern-speak for, "He doesn’t want us to know when he is messing up."

From extensive experience with teenagers, his high school came up with a wonderful Orwellian solution to the perennial parental problem of the touchy and “mum” teenager. You know: “How was your day?” “OK.” “How are your classes going?" “Fine. Why are you asking me, Dad?”

The school's solution is an online system called “Power School.” Parents log in to this conspiratorial website any time they wish and can see every graded assignment, every test score and even daily attendance records. It is so up to date that if a child skips a class, it is posted the same day.