First birthday brings changes, fond farewells

My baby will turn 1 this week — a fact I can hardly believe. The first birthday is a big deal for me and baby, symbolizing the beginning of toddlerdom, the end of breastfeeding and, of course, the first time I will let her eat cake by the fistful without freaking out and swabbing her mouth clean.

It’s a big day.

So as I celebrate this momentous occasion, I’ve been thinking about the things I will miss about the first year of my daughter’s life.

First, I will miss her dependence on me. I guess that sounds a little creepy or like I’m a control freak, but I like her to need me. Walking is right around the corner, and I know when it starts, she’ll be off exploring her world without needing me to carry her. I’ll miss the way she reaches her chubby little arms up to me and then nuzzles her head into my shoulder.

I’ll also miss breastfeeding. I still have a few months of weaning ahead of me, but I’m already sad about giving up nursing. I love being able to provide exactly what my daughter needs when she wants it. I love the bonding, the closeness and the convenience of nursing.

And let’s be honest. As a girl who was teased relentlessly in middle school about my flatness, I will also miss my nursing breasts.

But with all the things I will miss, I am also excited for the next stage. The first birthday brings with it new and wonderful changes and challenges. First words, first steps, first kisses. I’ll watch my girl become a little person instead of a baby.

On a more selfish note, I’m also looking forward to sleeping through the night. No more getting up in the morning and debating with my husband over who actually was “up all night with the baby.” It’s amazing to me that we could both be up rocking and feeding her at 3 a.m. but not cross paths. Mysterious.

And for me, the close of the first year marks my re-entry into normalcy. It takes me a good year to start growing back my hair, losing the stomach flab and — miracle of miracles — actually zipping up my pre-pregnancy jeans without fasting for two days. What a magical time.

So happy birthday, baby. It’s been a great year of snuggling, loving and watching you grow. I can’t believe I’ve only known your sweet smile for a year, and I can’t wait to see who you’ll become.

Erin Stewart is a regular blogger for Deseret News. From stretch marks to the latest news for moms, Stewart discusses it all while her 4-year-old daughter crams Mr. Potato Head pieces in her little sister's nose.