I'd raise my hand and say things like, "That's not doctrine," or "That's not what the scripture says." Though it was never my plan, I often left their lessons in tatters.
I certainly wasn't doing it for approval — the other kids eye-rolled and sighed whenever I was called on. But to me the gospel mattered, and getting it right was important. I actually thought a teacher should care about making sure only true doctrines were taught in class.
I didn't enjoy Sunday School, and the teachers certainly didn't enjoy me. One day, the bishop called me into his office and, after explaining to me how disruptive my comments could be to the teacher's lesson, he asked me to stop correcting my Sunday School teacher's statements and instead be supportive.
"How can I support incorrect statements?" I asked.
"Try saying nothing," he replied.
When I told my parents they were outraged. They had encouraged me to read those books in the first place, and I think they took it personally. But I begged them not to discuss it with the bishop; no doubt he meant well, and I didn't want to make waves. I'd go to meetings, I'd do my duty, and I'd study the gospel on my own.
The thing that baffled me in the years since that event was: If I was really such a problem, why didn't they just call my mom or my dad to teach my Sunday School class? My questions and arguments never flustered them. And in that Orem ward full of BYU professors; they really couldn't find anybody who would welcome my questions and take me seriously?
I think I just annoyed them. I'm sure I sounded like an arrogant know-it-all. There have always been people in authority who regarded it as their sacred duty to take me down a peg, to teach me humility. What they never understood was that I wasn't vain or proud — in fact, I was a mess of depression and self-doubt. I merely thought I was right about issues that mattered.
When I saw "Social Network" and saw Jesse Eisenberg's performance of the words Aaron Sorkin wrote for him, I thought: Finally, somebody understands how impatient you can get with all the nonsense.
Nothing they did was going to shake my belief in the gospel. I already knew that the more I studied the gospel and the world's teachings, the better the gospel held up and the more inadequate the world's ideas appeared.
In my teens, I thought there was no place for me at church. I was not welcome there. Kids who broke commandments were reached out to — lost sheep who needed to be ministered to. But I, who avoided committing most of the more popular sins, who studied and thought about the gospel, felt pushed away with both hands.
I served a mission; I did my callings; but it wasn't until I'd been married for several years that I began to gain a testimony, not just of the gospel, but of the church organization itself.
I have always kept my eye out for kids like I had been, the ones who don't like sports, who don't thrive in Scouting; the ones who have challenging questions or look bored out of their minds in classes.
It's strange that so much of LDS culture has borrowed from the world its disdain for those who aren't cool.
The kids who slide into drugs or sex or drinking or petty crime — we do a good job of keeping doors open for them because all these sins have consequences and sooner or later they realize their mistake and want to repent and return.
But you can't repent of being studious and smart and skeptical and questioning and unconcerned with style because these are all strengths. It's no surprise that middle- and high-school culture usually treats young people with these virtues as if there is something wrong with them for not being like the "normal" kids — but LDS culture should be a haven for them.
Instead, it's at college where many of them are first treated as if being studious and thoughtful is actually cool. When they finally have peers who respect them and the eye-rolling is replaced with rapt attention, it's so flattering that too many are seduced into abandoning the gospel in favor of the contradictory and unfounded ideas that pass for "intellectual opinion" in the world today.
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