Which Christmas traditions to drop and which to keep?

It was near dusk on Christmas Eve, almost 20 years ago. The car was packed with kids and we were driving through our small downtown, bickering over where to eat dinner.

Finally, Dad pulled up in front of a gaudy Chinese restaurant with golden lions festooning the archway outside. Inside, the place was nearly empty, but we made it a festive occasion over crab Rangoon and sweet and sour chicken. I think we even sang "Deck the Halls" to the cooks in the kitchen.

A family tradition was born.

I look back now, trying to trace the beginning of many of those traditions from childhood, from receiving an ornament and new pajamas on Christmas Eve, to gathering every mattress, pillow and blanket in the house to build the Big Bed, where we all slept while Santa Claus busied himself downstairs by the tree. In the morning we stood at the top of the stairs and collectively shouted, “Mom and Dad! Mom and Dad!” until we roused them from their 6 a.m. slumber. When all was in place, then and only then could we run downstairs to dig through our stockings and open our presents.

It all sounds very childlike, but the thing is, my unmarried siblings, well into their 20s, still follow this exact routine. No one is willing to break with tradition. The only difference is the "kids" are just as willing as the parents now to get a little more sleep. The rousing of my parents doesn’t happen until 9 or 10 a.m.

I think a lot about these traditions — and others, like the acting out of the Nativity scene and reading from Luke 2 and delivering plates of goodies to friends and neighbors — as my children get old enough to understand and internalize the Christmas season. The challenge is knowing which traditions to pass on, which to let go and which to create.

This first becomes an issue during that initial Christmas for a married couple. The fusion of two families that might once have been so seamless during that summer wedding can turn into major friction during the holidays. Something as simple as when you open presents (Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?) or what you eat on Christmas Eve (a lavish turkey dinner or pizza delivery?) can become a holiday turf battle.

In our family, my husband was willing to go along with the in-laws' tradition of eating Chinese on Christmas Eve. But we both decided to put the kibosh on that habit after our 2-year-old practically dove over the booth and into the laps of neighboring diners at P.F. Chang’s.