Dealing with teenagers' romantic relationships

We're entering a new phase with our sons — dealing with the "girl" factor. Of

course as a mother, my first thoughts are, don't date until you're 35.

As I considered the best way to handle this (duct tape them to the wall until

they are 21?), I read powerful pointers in JeaNette G. Smith's book,

"Unsteady."

She shares that ideally dating should begin at age 16, and then it should

only be group dates. Steady dating is not even necessary until someone is ready

to choose a potential mate and marry, usually in their early 20s.

She relates, "Nearly half of marriages in which the bride is 18 or younger

end in separation or divorce within 10 years. In the 1950s, nearly half of all

women married in their teens."

Now the median marriage age is 25, and it's not vastly different for those

who are LDS. Most of us can see that it's confusing and morally unwise to have

youths at 16 begin searching for a possible mate when they won't marry until

their early to mid-20s.

This, of course, begs the question: How much romance is OK and how does that

affect the physical aspect, the greatest concern for most parents? What's been

long ignored in the romance equation is the need both boys and girls have for

emotional intimacy. This precludes physical actions.

Once we as parents take stock in the emotional status of our homes — stable

home environment, positive affection and verbal praise, healthy emotional

communication — then youths are open to the "why" of self-discipline and

delaying romantic relationships.

Particularly for our girls, when they date too young and too seriously for

too long, they face a host of issues with their self-image. Someone has a