Pairing Off: Dealing with dating advice

In the song "Matchmaker" from "Fiddler on the Roof," Tevye's daughters list the attributes they hope for in a prospective husband:

"For papa, make him a scholar.

"For mama, make him rich as a king.

"For me, well, I wouldn't holler if he were as handsome as anything."

You may have found in your own dating life that, just like these girls' parents were looking for specific attributes in a son-in-law, just about everyone wants to have their say in how and whom you date. Friends who have more experience might think they know all the ropes, and friends who married their first relationship might boast their 100 percent success track record. Family members can be especially persuasive because they know and love you more than anyone. Trouble starts, though, when loved ones' advice contradicts each other or just adds more questions to your already confused quest to find a spouse.

I have received a lot of dating counsel in my day, some of it wise, some of it not so much, but all well-intended.

Once when a co-worker took me for a much-anticipated ride in his new Porsche, he advised me that it wouldn't be hard to get one of my own. "It´s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. Fall in love with a rich man." I presume this is true, but I ultimately decided that I'd prefer not to limit my dating pool based on a car that, even if serviced regularly, won't last into the eternities.

Every time I talk to my mom about dating, she brings up the same ex-boyfriend from years ago. She lists all his good qualities (she only met him twice for a matter of minutes each time), asks how he is these days, and encourages me to either date him again or find someone just like him. I end up re-explaining why we broke up in the first place, but it never convinces her enough not to bring it up the next time.

On the other hand, I once went to my mission president with a stressful dating situation, and he gave me the best response possible. Rather than telling me what qualities to look for or how to handle the situation, he addressed some concerns I had about myself and my future. He reminded me what I was capable of, and, by building my faith in myself, he helped me see that I was the only one capable of making this decision.