Mothering changes everything — including birthday wish lists

My birthday is coming up soon, and my husband keeps asking me what I want as a gift.

It shouldn’t be a difficult question, but I am completely flustered by it. In fact, the best answer I could come up with was that I kind of would like a cupcake carrier. The next sentence out of my mouth was, “A cupcake carrier? Did I just say that? When did I get so lame?”

Well, I’ll tell you when I got so lame: it was four years ago on the day my daughter was born. Yes, mark the date: that is when I became completely, utterly, irrevocably lame.

That is the day things like cupcake carriers and Dyson vacuums bumped up to the top of my birthday wish list. Four years ago I would have mocked myself for hours for even knowing what a cupcake carrier is.

The trouble is I’ve been in mommy mode for years now, which means I’ve put the wish lists of my two daughters ahead of my own. I’m not saying I’m a saint or anything because I’m far from it. I’m just saying I’m a mom, so trying to pin down any of my own interests, wants or needs separate from those of my children is difficult.

In fact, when my mother told me she was giving me a little extra birthday money this year that I had to spend on myself, she followed it up with, “And you have to actually spend it on you this time, not in a low-yield savings account for future college costs.” Apparently she got wind of how I splurged with my Christmas cash.

The other question my husband has been asking is what I want to do on my birthday. Dinner? A night out?

Again, true to form, I came up with the lamest request ever: I want to go to the gym and then read by myself. In case you didn’t know, I’m turning 80.

OK, OK, I’m actually turning 29, not that you’d know it from my devil-may-care birthday requests centered around cupcakes and a good book.

So I’ve been giving some serious thought to what I want lately — a strange concept for any young mom. And what I’ve come up with is that my desires are pretty simple. I don’t need a trip to Europe right now. I don’t need jewelry that will only be chewed on or clothes that will end up covered in pureed squash.

If I could really do whatever I want for my birthday, I’d like to: