The final stage of confidence

I recently spent a few days on the East Coast coaching several executives at a Fortune 500 company. It was a delightful experience. More delightful than normal because one of my coached executives has crossed over to what I call the final stage of confidence.

The final stage of confidence is a concept that I use in my coaching practice. It represents the culminating stage of a leader’s emotional and psychological development. Unfortunately, it’s a stage that few leaders attain, though all leaders have the opportunity. It may be harder for some than for others, depending on the mix of natural endowment, circumstance and choice that have converged to produce a given leader. But I maintain that even the most disadvantaged people can do it because the third factor — choice — is the determining factor, and over time it has the ability to outstrip and overcome the influence of the other two. It really is a choice.

If you have ever come in contact with a leader who has reached the final stage of confidence, you may not remember it. The interaction may have left no impression on you. In fact, that wouldn’t be surprising, because final-stage leaders are people who have graduated from the impulse to impress to the impulse to bless. It’s not important to them that you remember them.

Let me describe some of the common behavioral characteristics of leaders in the final stage of confidence. The characteristics are not tied to a particular personality type or level of intelligence. However, final-stage leaders do tend to become more interpersonally similar in the outward expressions of the inward confidence they share.

Final-stage leaders have made peace with themselves. They have arrested their egos. That fact comes out most prominently in their language and communication. Final-stage leaders are far less prone to engage in attention-getting behavior, self-promotion and flattery. Let me share just a few examples from my experience:

They don’t need to hear themselves talk, so they don’t clamor for airtime. They finally stop telling the world how smart they are.

They don’t seek status through association, so they normally refrain from dropping names.

They don’t subscribe to the leader-as-expert model, in which the leader is the repository of all knowledge. As a result, they become more content to listen more and ask more questions rather than talk more and give more answers.