Don't touch me: Personal space lost in translation

Indonesian Information Minister Tifatul Sembiring experienced an awkward moment when shaking the hand of visiting U.S. first lady Michelle Obama in November 2010. What was so embarrassing about the handshake to inspire one U.S. journalist to jokingly label it “the cutest political sex scandal ever?”

Sembiring is a proud conservative Muslim who attempts to emulate the Prophet Muhammad by avoiding physical contact with women who are not family members, even when it has previously meant risking offense by refusing to shake the hand of a female journalist.

Unfortunately, the Internet erupted with negative chatter after video of the encounter showed the minister smiley graciously during the encounter. He defended himself on Twitter by tweeting, "I tried to prevent (being touched) with my hands but Mrs. Michelle held her hands too far toward me (so) we touched."

In the United States, we have a concept of what we consider to be appropriate contact and the proper distance to maintain from others in a professional setting. Personal space may vary slightly depending on familiarity and gender, but we generally subscribe to a certain set of norms that are considered acceptable to most. However, in other cultures, personal-space thresholds may be completely different, and awareness of those differences can help international businesspeople and politicians avoid making their clients or associates feel uncomfortable.

Sembiring later reiterated his original conservative Muslim stance to avoid touching the opposite sex but explained, “there are times when I have been caught off-guard or I have had to meet people who were not aware of my stance.”

Based on his quick acceptance of Mrs. Obama’s hand, he apparently weighed the risk of making her feel uncomfortable and decided beforehand to accept her gesture in the spirit in which it was intended. Though his religious standards mean he must draw the line somewhere, he was kind to put someone else’s comfort above his own. At least he was not caught off guard with a female European diplomat offering a customary kiss – that would have been decidedly more uncomfortable.

What could the first lady have done differently? She could adopt a cautious standard of keeping her hands at her side until someone else offers to shake, but doing so might not only make her appear cold to her own country, but also could offend those from international contacts who greet more warmly than Americans. If we all kept our hands at our sides waiting for others to make the first move, nothing would ever happen.