Instant connection? Find a commonality

If you want to know how to connect with someone, find a commonality. Often times, it occurs when you weren’t even looking for it.

Take, for instance, when I was interviewing one leader on succession planning. After the interview it became known that we had both lived in Washington State. From there, I mentioned Anderson Island in the Puget Sound. This leader had grown up on Ketron Island; one of the two islands bordering Anderson which maybe has 20 families living on it.

I couldn’t believe it. In the three or so years I’d lived on Anderson I’d never actually met anyone who lived on Ketron even though we shared the same ferry. I think this leader was just as surprised to find out I knew of Ketron.

This commonality bore an instant connection. Something we can always talk about. Something little or few other employees in this organization share. In some way, we are like old friends simply from living on adjacent islands in the same state even if at different time periods.

Another example comes from a colonel from the Pentagon whom I was privileged to sit with in the same meeting. He spoke of how there is an instant connection to those who have served and even those who have been in combat. In our meeting, he connected immediately with an Air Force veteran, and she with him.

This was pretty cool to observe. Boom. Instant connection. They understood each other because they walked in similar shoes and in the same world. Even though not knowing each other prior to our meeting, they could have probably carried on an unstoppable conversation based on their military and combat experiences.

“No two wars are ever the same,” said Bob C. Riley (2011), a former governor of Arkansas. “Some are just, some are unjust, but the basic commonality shared between them all is that young men and women heeded a call to service, overcame their fear and fought for their side.”

One more example is when I interviewed for and was hired in a training organization, having once been a trainer for the IAM/Boeing Joint Programs Quality Through Training Program. I found out the leader who interviewed me had worked at Boeing in Mesa, Ariz. And although I didn’t find out this fact until after my interview, perhaps my paperwork stood out to him for that very reason.

Again, instant connection. Even on paper.

Another employee working under this same leader is from Texas, as is their leader. Again, instant connection. These two Texans are happy frequently talking about growing up in the Lone Star state.