Struggling with infertility

By Hikari Loftus

Mormon Times

Published: Monday, Dec. 6 2010 5:00 a.m. MST

"So, instead when people make jokes about why we are waiting to have kids, I just come out and say, 'We'd love to have kids.' Or when they ask if we are going to have kids I just say, 'We've been trying.' I try to be upfront about it now so that people know. I talk about it more, and it's helpful for other people because they sort of know their boundaries instead of just guessing."

For Witt, it began as a painful, personal journey, and she wanted to deal with alone.

"In the beginning I wouldn't even let my husband in on it. I would take pregnancy tests by myself and cry, and he would never know," she said. "Finally, he saw me crying by myself and came and sat down with me and cried with me. He told me not to do it alone."

Since then, Witt started a blog to create a place where other women struggling with infertility have come and helped each other. From experience, she knows that it's a burden that a woman shouldn't carry alone.

"Those feelings of inadequacy and of, 'I don't fit in. I'm not fulfilling my purpose as a daughter or woman of God,' all those feelings will eat you alive," she said. "If you let someone else in who loves you and who will give you quotes from prophets or little things that help that makes the difference for me. I don't know if that is true for everyone, but it's true for me. It's a scary thing to do by yourself."

One of the biggest lessons Witt said she finds in her trials is learning how to work with the Lord or to align her will with his.

"It's so easy to fight back on this on this one. Especially with all the medical treatment out there it's like, OK, if I do this, it's going to work. It's still up to him," she said.

"I don't know if I'll ever know why I have to wait, but in the meantime I'm just trying to learn what I can and share with other people because so many people go through it alone, and it's sad to do this alone," she said. "You could very easily shut yourself out of Mormon society and from a lot of people because you are hurting, and you don't want people to know that."

Despite her trials, Witt remains firm in her faith.

"I just remember that his promises are sure and that whatever he has in store for me will happen. And being OK with that is the biggest thing I've learned," she said. "(I) just swallow my pride and recognize it's the Lord's will because good things have come of this, and I'm sure more good things will."

e-mail: hloftus@desnews.com

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