The Flylady: Anger and perfectionism

When you finally have reached the absolute bottom, and you think there is no place to go, there are always two more places. You can give up entirely and be planted 6 feet under, or you can scream out for help and start pulling yourself up. You have a choice. The difference is you have to get mad and scream and not give up.

Anger is not a bad emotion. As women we have been taught to just take it and not explode with anger. Exploding with anger is rage, and rage is not OK, but giving yourself permission to feel upset and angry is a good thing. It's also important to speak with the person you are angry with; when you keep it in it is like poison. So what do we do to ourselves? We turn anger into sadness, and we feel sorry for ourselves for being mistreated. Then WHAT?

The anger turns to sadness and then to depression. We eat to make the hurt go away, or we sleep so we don't have to deal with it.

It is all our perfectionism again sandwiched with that procrastination that paralyzes us into depression. I can see you all shaking your heads at me. "How can perfectionism be the foundation to my feeling bad."  Well, here is how it all fits together.

When something goes wrong in our lives and we can't fix it, what do we do? We can't fix it to make it right again, or we can't change the other person; we want everything back the way it was. Do you see the perfectionism rearing its ugly head? We do everything in our power to control the issues, trying to make it all better, only to be shot down time and time again. So if we can't do it right, what do we do? We were taught to do nothing. I wish that was all we would do, but we have to turn it inward to abuse ourselves.

When we are unable to fix things, we begin to feel guilty because of our inability to make things right or perfect. We then start to beat ourselves up. It is bad enough when we have been abused by others, but now we are abusing the only person that cares for you: YOU. 

This is why anger is good. It is focused toward someone else and not yourself. Now it is not good to be angry all the time because you are in fight or flight mode, and when you really need to scream out for help you will not be able to. Adrenalin is an amazing body chemical. It is a power surge that supplies the energy right when you need it. This is how a mother can lift a car off of a child. I have said it many times, "Too much of a good thing can be bad for you!" Try eating a whole chocolate cake.