Hospice Santas face grief, kids' hard questions

By Christmas Day, a career Santa can name the top 10 toys for girls and boys in a heartbeat. He has sat smiling patiently, swathed in red velvet on his gilded throne, and listened to countless children whisper their innermost desires.

A volunteer hospice Santa hears a different sort of wish list. Sometimes, the children he visits don't want to talk. Others ask questions no one feels brave enough to answer.

The non-profit national volunteer service organization known as Santa-America has 175 hospice-trained Santas, scattered over more than 40 states, who visit terminally ill children or youngsters who are grieving because of the loss or impending loss of a parent. The Santas are an elite and bearded group from all backgrounds: Some are retired, others work at jobs that range from salesmen to psychologists. Before visiting a home or hospital, they memorize names of family members and pets; they undergo a rigorous background check and receive ongoing instruction in grief, bereavement, symptom management and spirituality.

"First and foremost, you have to remember that these are children, and you have to go in treating them like children," says John Scheuch, Santa-America's executive director. "I have visited babies who are only weeks old, and, on Christmas morning, it's clear that some won't survive. There are others who are realizing where they are and what is going to happen and they are wrestling with that. I visited a 6-year-old who asked Santa, 'What is it going to be like when I die?' After a gulp and a deep breath, I said, 'I don't really know, but I do know you will not be hurting or in pain anymore and that can only be more pleasant.' Then we spoke of other things."

Getting emotionally ready

Not everyone can withstand the sorrow that a hospice Santa encounters. After training, one St. Nick acknowledged that he had to wait before making a visit because he didn't feel emotionally ready.

"The first question we ask a potential volunteer is, 'Why do you want to do this?' " says Scheuch, 56, who serves at Kansas City Hospice and Palliative Care. "We are not a membership organization that asks for your wallet. We ask for your heart. To do that, you have to be willing to do tough things in the proper way. I've had Santas say, 'I don't think I can stand the pain,' and I say, 'Then don't make the call.' "

Santa-America was founded seven years ago by Ernest Berger in southwest Alabama.