A few pointers when it's time to meet your beloved's family for the first time

There's a scene in the film "Meet the Parents" in which one of the characters, who has brought her boyfriend home to introduce him to her family, asks the poor chump how things are going.

"Oh, great," he tells her, "considering I desecrated your grandma's remains, found out you were engaged and had your father ask me to milk him."

Most first-time meetings with a significant other's family aren't nearly that much fun. What they often are is awkward and intimidating. Set up the visit during the holidays, throw in a few festive cocktails, and never has a four-hour flight out of town looked so good.

But these first meetings need not be painful. It just takes a little planning. The payoff is worth it.

"In most cases in my experience, families are pretty welcoming," says psychologist Dale Atkins, author of "Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life" (Avon). "It's not that they want to make it difficult; it's just that they're different. They're different from your family."

Family members might yell when they want to make a point, or they may have a messy house, behaviors you're not used to. Atkins says not to judge them or be critical. Remember: These people raised the person you love.

With that as a starting point, here are some other things to consider before that first visit.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK

When Serena Thomas was going to meet the family of boyfriend Dustin French, she asked him what to expect.

"He told me they were very friendly," says the 25-year-old publicist from St. Louis. "He mentioned that he had a lot of aunts and they'd all be very chatty and wanting to get to know the new person."

Not much to go on, but enough to get things off on the right foot.

Any information you can glean beforehand helps.

"Find out as much as you can about the family," Atkins advises. "Find out where they're from, what they're interested in. ... Just try to get facts, get information, so you have a basis on which to have a conversation."

Know what topics are safe and what aren't. When French was going to meet Thomas' family, for example, she suggested French rein in his sense of humor, which comes across as serious and escapes many people.

"And I was told not to use any swear words," he adds.