'New Moon' doesn't rise to the occasion

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON — ★★ — Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner; rated PG-13 (violence, brief gore, slurs, brief drugs, mild profanity, vulgarity); in general release

At this point, all the makers of the Twilight films would really need to do to keep the "Twi-hard" fans happy is simply shoot some footage of actors Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner reading the best-selling books aloud.

Come to think of it, that might be a more satisfying, cinematic experience than the filmed adaptations of LDS author Stephenie Meyer's four-novel Twilight "saga" have been so far.

"New Moon," which is based on the second book, is actually less set-up intensive than its predecessor, last year's "Twilight."

Yet if anything, it's an even worse and more ridiculous movie. Even upping the action quotient can't make up for the angsty, deadly dull first hour.

As in the book, Bella Swan (Stewart) has just turned 18 and can think of nothing she'd rather do than spend time with her vampire boyfriend, Edward Cullen (a still morose and ineffective Pattinson).

But after a close call involving Bella and one of his fellow vamps, Edward has decided to keep his distance. In fact, he and other Cullen family members have left town, leaving Bella behind.

So the despondent teen turns to her childhood friend, Jacob Black (Lautner, now ripped for the part), for comfort. As he and Bella grow closer, Jacob is concealing a possibly deadly secret of his own.

And there's still the threat of violent retaliation from Victoria (Rachel Lefevre), the bloodthirsty vampire who has sworn vengeance on Bella and the Cullens.

Attempts by director Chris Weitz and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg to inject more humor and lighten the tone go horribly awry. (The supposedly "serious" dialogue is funnier than any of their pop-culture references and such.)

As for the much-ballyhooed action, the scenes are shot in slow-motion and are far too fleeting to interest anyone outside the target demographic.

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon" is rated PG-13 and features violence (animal and creature attacks, a dismemberment, vehicular mayhem, and violence against women), brief gory and bloody imagery, derogatory language and slurs (some based on race), brief drug content and references (steroids and hypodermic needles), scattered, mild profanity (mostly religiously based), and some mildly suggestive language. Running time: 130 minutes.

e-mail: jeff@desnews.com