The way I see it, BYU fans, you've got several ways you can approach the University of Utah's big nationally televised football game with TCU Saturday night in Fort Worth.

None of them is good.

The question you face is this: For whom do you cheer — TCU or (ahem, ahem, gag, cough, spit) Utah?

Welcome to "Sophie's Choice Comes to Provo."

Who do you like this weekend — the Frogs or your dreaded, detested, sick-of-'em Utes?

For BYU Fan, this is a difficult weekend. It must be like choosing between Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid, Michael Moore or the swine flu, the firing squad or hanging, the BCS or the ACLU.

One of the three biggest lies in Utah County is about to be put to the test:

The first lie: I don't vote for the party, I vote for the person.

The second lie: I'm not going to get married until I finish school.

The third lie: I cheer for the Utes when they're not playing BYU.

Let's look at your choices and see if you get your mind around any of them before Saturday's game arrives:

 CHOICE 1: You want TCU to lose because it would give the Cougars their only real chance of claiming the conference championship. Utah and TCU are unbeaten in conference play; BYU has one loss. If TCU loses and BYU beats Utah in the season-finale, then BYU likely would claim a share of the title.

TCU closes out the regular season with a road game against Wyoming and a home game against New Mexico. In other words, if the Frogs beat the Utes, they're home free, unbeaten, untied conference champions.

 CHOICE 2: Ever fiscally minded and practical, you decide you want TCU to win because it would strengthen the No. 4-ranked Frogs' claim on a BCS bowl game and possibly a national championship, as well as bring more national recognition and millions of dollars to the conference. The bottom line: You hate the BCS more than Utah, which is perfectly understandable.

 CHOICE 3: You want Utah to lose just because it's Utah, period, and there's no other reason necessary. You want TCU to do to Utah what TCU did to BYU, two years in a row — which is to say they ran through the Cougars like the Marines marching on the Republican Guard — and to heck with the conference championship or the BCS or money or any other considerations.

To see how BYU fans are handling this weekend's big dilemma, I tracked down a couple of them at their therapist's office. The first fan I talked to is Ned, which, to protect his identity from angry Internet attacks and phone calls from his own kind (fellow BYU fans), is not his real name. His real name is Gary.