Happy Christmaween, beware of Santa treaters

DAYTON, Ohio — Here's wishing the world a Merry Hallomas or, at the risk of being struck down by lightning, a Happy Christmaween.

It is the time of year when Christmas butts into the backside of the Halloween season for the hearts and purse stings of American consumers.

You can see "Saw XIV" at 5 p.m. and then see Jim Carrey freak everyone out in "A Christmas Carol" at 7 p.m.

It is "fa la la" in one ear, as "eek eek eek" creeps out the other.

Like a Bing Crosby movie, people here and there wish you a happy holiday. You just have to ask which holiday they are referring to.

Haunted jams have been replaced by Christmas carols on your favorite grocer's PA system, but you can still find candy corn without much effort.

One can buy both Christmas lights and discounted Halloween candy; fairy princess dresses and fruitcake, novelty blood and Nativity scenes.

I like Christmas as much as the next person — love it, in fact — but doesn't it all seem a little, I don't know, ridiculous to be decking the halls so soon?

My halls are still filled with shadows of goblins and fiends.

Shouldn't we have a few hours longer to store the scarecrows and the animatronic puking zombies before it is time to pull out Rudolph and the boys?

Besides, I personally would like a couple seconds to look forward to Turkey Day and the many juicy birds I will thankfully consume — ummm Butterball. I want dressing. I don't want to imagine dressing my turkey in a sexy nurse costume and bringing him to Christmas dinner. That's weird. Whoever dreamed it up is a weirdo.

I wish I could ignore Christmaween. But like so many good, hard-working Americans before me, I give in. Madison Avenue in all of its polished sparkle and money-grubbing splendor has declared it Hollomas. Who am I to stop them?

It seems I'd better play along, or the Santa treaters might climb down my chimney and put coal in my pumpkins.