A word of advice to Michael Bay, McG, Stephen Sommers and their like-minded, action-film directing cohorts: "2012" is how you should go about making a big, fun, "things-go-boom" movie.

The disaster flick is the antithesis of Bay's "Transformers" films, McG's "Terminator" sequel and Sommers' "G.I." movie. For one thing, it's free of the jittery camera work, quick-cut edits and ear-splitting sound levels of those other films, and even more refreshing, it's mostly free of lowbrow and/or racially insensitive humor.

Yet it's not without its share of problems. At 160 minutes, it's too long. And this isn't exactly brainy fare. If you think too hard about this dopey science-fiction thriller, you'll surely find fault with its physics and similarly sketchy plotting.

For those who are unaware, "2012" is the supposed "expiration date" for the Earth's life, at least according to the Mayan calendar.

Scientists — including American geologist Adrian Helmsley (Chiwetel Ejiofor) — have discovered that solar radiation has begun to melt the Earth's core. They've also figured out that, as prophesied by the Mayans, a rare cosmic alignment will only worsen those flares. And eventually the entire planet will be threatened in 2012, around the time of the winter solstice.

Governments around the globe begin mapping out contingency plan. But they're also keeping ordinary citizens like Jackson Curtis (John Cusack) in the dark.

Would-be science-fiction novelist Jackson receives a tip, though, from a crackpot radio broadcaster (Woody Harrelson), who has somehow learned of the situation.

So Jackson does his best to rescue his estranged wife (Amanda Peet), their two children (Liam James and Morgan Lily) and her new boyfriend (Tom McCarthy) before it's too late.

The are a number of convenient, close escapes for these characters — some of them so ludicrous that they're laughable.

And it's clear that director Roland Emmerich and his co-screenwriter, Harald Kloser ("10,000 B.C."), are paying homage to mega-producer Irwin Allen, the supposed godfather of the disaster-film genre.

This particular movie contains numerous nods to such Allen "classics" as "The Poseidon Adventure" (1972) and "The Towering Inferno" (1974).

As a result, the cast plays second fiddle to the effect sequences. Among the more breathtaking sights are those of Los Angeles and the entire West Coast of the United States sliding into the Pacific Ocean, and Yellowstone Park being turned into a giant volcano.

"2012" is rated PG-13 and features strong violent content and imagery (natural disasters, including flood, earthquakes and tsunamis, as well as explosive and vehicular mayhem), scattered strong profanity (including one usage of the so-called "R-rated" curse word), some suggestive language and crude gestures, some brief gory imagery, brief nudity (glimpses of nude paintings and a partial male backside), and derogatory language and slurs. Running time: 158 minutes.

e-mail: jeff@desnews.com