Maximum sentence

I'm no expert on cat fighting, but that was an impressive display last week when BYU met New Mexico in soccer.

Lobo Elizabeth Lambert and BYU's Carlee Payne exchanged competitive nudges, which escalated to the point that Lambert tripped, jabbed and punched BYU players, even pulling one down by the ponytail.

It looked a lot like the way my daughters fought when they were 5 or 6 years old.

Apparently, the University of New Mexico wasn't amused. It suspended Lambert indefinitely.

I would have just sent her to her room and grounded her from watching "Punky Brewster" for an entire week.

Scrambled priorities

BYU defensive coordinator Jaime Hill says his car was egged by Cougar fans in the wake of the team's loss to TCU on Oct. 24.

"Twenty-one years of coaching and I've never seen anything like it," he told the Daily Herald.

Of course he hasn't. Among his previous coaching stops were Humboldt State, Portland State, University of Chicago, Sonoma State, Northern Arizona and San Francisco State.

Besides, even though nobody else's car got egged, he can console himself in knowing the entire team got egg on its face.

The shoe fits

Now this is awkward.

Marcus Jordan, son of you-know-who, plays basketball for Central Florida. And Central Florida has (had?) a contract with adidas. But since Jordan wore Nike Air Jordans in an exhibition game, adidas voided its multimillion-dollar agreement with the school.

Steve Rosner, a marketing executive, told the New York Post the original decision to let Jordan wear Nikes sent the wrong message.

"There is no one individual bigger than the team," he said.

Unless you're Michael Jordan himself.

Here's assuming he still has enough sway to get Nike to outfit Central Florida with gear of its own.

It's never a bad choice to side with Air Jordan.

Hazard warning

Reports say scientists in England have discovered how to make fruit flies afraid of things they normally don't fear, by implanting artificial memories in their brains.

The scientists claim to have located neurons that allow flies to learn. Thus, they can implant a danger smell, which causes the flies to disperse.

Maybe this is asking too much, but is there any way they could put a warning in Andrei Kirilenko's head every time he starts thinking he can consistently make 3s?

e-mail: rock@desnews.com