First, let me apologize to one of last week's bad-sentence winners.

I called her Jenica JeNSen, whereas she calls herself Jenica JeSSen. So let's go with that, shall we?

Sorry, Jenica! I loved your sentence!

Second, I want to tell you all straight up that I am totally addicted to celebrity gossip (don't judge me) (although you can if you want to), which explains why I was looking at a recent issue of Life & Style instead of writing a column, because you know how it is.

Sometimes you just gotta know if Angelina is having two more babies or if Jon truly is the worst dad in America.

Anyway.

That's how I ran across an article called "The Hottest Guys on Fall TV," to which I had an interesting reaction. For one thing all the men. looked. so. obscenely. young. They looked, in fact, like they should be sitting on my couch in the family room playing Xbox with my kids because that's how old they are.

PEOPLE, THE HOTTEST GUYS ON FALL TV THIS YEAR ARE INFANTS! BABIES!

And in spite of the media's new love affair with the concept of cougar-ness (older women loving much, MUCH younger men), I say whatever.

I'm not romantically interested in men I could have given birth to.

Besides, while it does happen in real life, extreme cougar-ness mostly feels like the attempt of TV producers to pitch an overheated series starring a gorgeous middle-age Courtney Cox involved in a relationship with 24-year-old Nick Zano.

Who, by the way, is featured on pages 46 and 47 of Life & Style.

Um. He's the one without a shirt.

And when I saw him I went, seriously? American cinematic manhood has come to this?

OK. Nick Zano is handsome. No doubt about it. There he stands — all tanned and ripped, with artfully gelled hair and faded jeans skimming chiseled hips.

No doubt his teeth are white, too. Brilliantly, dazzlingly, hopelessly white. But who can tell? Because guess what?

He's pouting.

POUTING!

Just like a full-on girl working it for the camera.

You know the look. Female models do it all the time, and the effect is one of blandly sensual self-absorption. I've thumbed through enough issues of Vogue magazine over the years to know I don't care for it much.

But I really REALLY hate it when a guy goes all high-fashion pouty on me.

I want to reach through the picture and slap him.

Think of screen icons of yesteryear. Would John Wayne have pouted? What about Bogart? Fonda? Gable? Cooper? Heston?

What about Steve McQueen and James Garner and my favorite all-time, Jimmy Stewart?

True, my other all-time favorite, Cary Grant, might have pouted, but only to make us laugh. Robert Mitchum, James Dean, Paul Newman and Marlon Brando might have pouted, too, because they couldn't help themselves. Those guys were just natural beef-cakey pouters.

BUT NONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE GAZED AT A CAMERA AND POUTED ON PURPOSE.

(Which is how THIS girl likes it.)

Your thoughts?

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com