Who knew so many could write bad prose?

The people, you were FABULOUS this year. You sent in hundreds (seriously) of bad sentences to the Worst Novel Never Written Contest, making our decision harder (and happier!) than ever before.

We're in awe. We call you master.

BEST SENTENCE WITH AN EXTENDED VEGETABLE METAPHOR: He shopped early for his second wife, plucking her like a ripe tomato from his best friend's garden, leaving his soon-to-be-ex-wife wilted like that last stalk of celery forgotten in the refrigerator vegetable bin, only good for a pot of misery soup. (Judy Blain)

BEST "UH-OH" MOMENT: The comet was shooting toward her car, and she wondered vaguely if rolling up the window would do any good. (Larissa Humphries)

SECOND BEST "UH-OH" MOMENT: As soon as Mindy met her freshman college roommate, she realized that she had been premature in assuming that her roommate would be her new best friend and that the tattooed girl with spiked purple hair who was dressed in black from head to toe might not even want to wear the other half of the "best friends" necklace Mindy had bought as a "Welcome to College" surprise. (Diane Coles)

BEST PUN INVOLVING LOCAL CHURCH AUTHORITIES: At first, the stake president was upset as he looked at the elders encircling the infant, because they were wearing sunglasses and fake beards, but then he realized it was actually a blessing in disguise. (Mark Vernon)

BEST LOCAL COLOR: As LaVonda waited uncomfortably for the uniformed officers to use the "Jaws of Life" to extricate her from her mangled car, she pondered in turn the fragility of life, the massiveness of 18-wheelers, the difficulty of text-messaging while eating fries and driving, and finally, how she could use this experience as an object lesson in her next Sunday school class. (Tamary Shoemaker)

BEST ROMANCE: He had a fascinating mind, and I couldn't wait to pick it apart the way a 10th grade biology student does with an owl pellet to find mouse bones. (Jenica Jensen)

BEST ROMANCE GONE WRONG: Her tears were like moon drops dripping from the air-conditioning condenser of my soul, forming a mushy puddle under my Buick. (Nathan Strong)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT: After the makeover, Dirk couldn't decide which was more shocking — the fact that Melanie appeared to have been dipped in white chocolate, sprinkled with sanding sugar and dotted with nonpareils, or the realization that the word nonpareil was part of his vocabulary. (Deanna Johnson)