Talking pump, Pocatello perk up trip

My youngest son and I just returned from a road trip to Eugene, Ore., and before I go on may I just say WHO KNEW OREGON WAS SO FAR AWAY?

Dude.

On the map, Oregon is like only a couple of inches to the left of Utah, but in real life (and also in a car) it takes 15 hours of driving forever to get there.

Or 16 hours if you drive through Pocatello on your way home because you accidentally missed the secret turnoff to Salt Lake City somewhere around Burley.

Me to My Son: If you ever wanted to see what West Pocatello looks like in a rearview mirror, now's your chance.

As a matter of fact, missing the secret turnoff nearly undid my son. For one thing, we'd already spent a LOT of time together by then and seriously — even if you're a really nice teenager, you can only take so much of old people (such as mothers).

For another thing, this particular kid ALWAYS worries that I'm going to lose us. We got lost at night once when he was in grade school and apparently the experience was more traumatic for him than I'd originally realized.

Consequently, he often questions my judgment when we're in the car together.

"Are you sure you really want to turn here?" he'll often ask.

However, I earned a lot of "street cred" with him on this trip, because I didn't get lost once.

So then he let down his guard.

So then I accidentally drove to Pocatello.

Hey! These things happen! Tell me that people the world over don't accidentally drive to Pocatello on a regular basis!

Besides, what's not to love about Pocatello?!

Otherwise the trip was bliss. There's a nice happy hippie vibe in Oregon that's hard to resist, even if you're not a happy hippie. And, of course, I got to discover more things to love about America.

Here's one. Talking Gas Pumps.

We pulled into a station somewhere in Idaho where a cheerful voice came over the loud speaker that said, "PUMP 8! YOU ARE NOW AUTHORIZED TO PROCEED!"

Yes! I was authorized! To proceed! Everyone around me broke into congratulatory applause. It was like getting an award, and my self-esteem completely SHOT through the roof.

OK. There could be a definite downside to Talking Gas Pumps. For instance, what if your pump took a cue from that old Gary Larsen cartoon and said, "PUMP 8! YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO PROCEED UNTIL YOU RETURN TO THE RESTROOM AND WASH YOUR HANDS."

Then everybody would think you had cooties, and you would have no choice but to get in your car, drive to West Pocatello and hide there for the rest of your life.

But my gas pump was very positive, very affirming. In fact, my pump made me want to be a better human being.

And I'll get to work on that right away — as soon as I unpack our bags and do a load of laundry.

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com