Meltdown sparks a change

A few weeks ago, I maxed out and had a meltdown.

As with all good meltdowns, I'm not exactly sure of the last straw. It could have been my children's sudden losses — memory loss as to how to complete basic chores, recognition loss of my voice requesting laundry be put away, or motivation loss to help with dinner.

Interestingly, these are all things that my children have been practicing, daily, for the past 10 years. I was at a loss to understand it.

On the particular Saturday, I went through the house picking up, again, noting various explosions of clothes, toys and hidden pizza crusts. (Can someone explain to me the need to hide pizza crusts when a garbage can sits 2 feet away?)

As the frustration built, I angrily put in another load of laundry. When my daughter made a comment that I didn't have time to play with her that day (after I had just spent 24 hours with her to celebrate her birthday sleepover) I finally lost it.

Gathering all the children together, I asked them to mentally walk back through my day with me, including chauffeuring, laundry, dishes, tidy-ups, homework, help Scout projects and making meals.

I asked questions:

"After making lunch, what did Mom do?"

"Clean up."

"And after making dinner, what did Mom do?"

"Clean up."

We had a very good discussion about what was wrong with this picture (not the least of which that Mom should have been taken out to dinner and then given a foot rub).

Later, while mulling over this incident, a startling insight hit me — it wasn't so much the children that needed a boot in the bum, it was me.

Who was doing the cleaning when the children were playing? Who was putting in laundry when the children were chilling?

The root problem was me, sliding back into old habits of "I'll just do it myself."

This habit was just not possible anymore. With six children, just dealing with the bare minimum of clothing, feeding and whining means I'm busy right out of the gate.

As you have likely already learned, I saw that for me to navigate this life phase and do it without becoming sick or a "wench woman," it was essential to figure out daily needs to not just survive but thrive.

After some thought, a few Lorna Doone cookies and some herbal tea, I found three new solutions:

1. Re-establish siblings as mentors who can help children with reading, homework, getting dressed and bedtime routine.

2. Do something creative every day.

3. Adhere to "my time" at 9 p.m. and woe to the person who disregards it.