Successful parenting

Before Kim Lund and her husband, Sky, decided to have children, they talked a lot.

They had conversations about the kind of parents they wanted to be. They analyzed how they were raised and determined what they wanted to bring into parenthood.

While Lund said those conversations were an advantage when their son was born a year ago, the transition to becoming a mother was still a challenge. It helped her to see her strengths but also brought out many of her weaknesses, she said.

"Parenting tests your patience and your ability to get worn thin and still be calm," said Lund, who lives in the Salt Lake Valley.

While the research is not 100 percent consistent, there is significant data showing couples experience a decline in marital happiness when they make the transition into parenthood, according to Kyle Pruett, a clinical professor of child psychiatry at the Yale Child Study Center.

The decline is result of the demands of caring for a child, which requires time and attention and can make it easy for a couple to grow apart, he said.

"Children take the self-sacrifice, the exhaustion and doubt that plagues all of us as parents and unless you are careful you can start laying that at your partner's feet," he said. "And if you're unable to get back on track, you can just grow further and further apart."

He and his wife, Marsha Kline Pruett, a clinical psychologist and professor at the Smith School for Social Work, have just released a book they believe should help couples transition into parenthood. It's titled "Partnership Parenting" and encourages couples to communicate about decisions they may face as parents and to work together despite differences.

From the Pruetts' perspective, the key to navigating parenthood is communication. Research shows parents who talk about important parenting decisions do better at navigating stressful situations than couples who don't talk.

Some areas of discussion couples should have prior to becoming parents include safety, feeding, sleeping and spoiling, according to Marsha Pruett. Other areas of discussion include how to work through any differences resulting from gender and individual backgrounds.

In their book, the Pruetts point out several differences mothers and fathers may face when it comes to child rearing. One difference is in how mothers handle conflict or change in their child's life. They tend to be more actively involved in trying to help while fathers tend to hang back and allow their children to work through issues.

The Pruetts believe neither style is wrong.

In fact, they think children who experience parenting from both a mother's perspective and a father's perspective will be at a greater advantage than children who don't.