From Deseret News archives:
Are women superior spouses?
They often think they have to take control of everything relating to home, author says
She just believes women are superior to their spouses at pretty much everything relating to home and family.
Consider: Not only do modern women work outside the home more than they used to, but they tend to cook more, clean more and manage more family responsibilities than the men to whom they're married, said Rubenstein, the author of a newly released book called \"The Superior Wife Syndrome.\"
Blame biology and social expectations. For one, women are naturally better at multi-tasking, which is required when doing most domestic tasks, according to Rubenstein. Second, society tends to expect women to do certain tasks, instead of men, she said.
And women buy into that expectation.
\"We're programmed to think we're the ones who are better at domestic stuff; it is what makes us feminine,\" Rubenstein said in a recent interview. \"We, meaning superior wives, tend to think we have to take control of everything at home.\"
But that can be a \"sticky\" trap.
While some couples are OK with how chores and other tasks are distributed, Rubenstein believes a majority of women are unhappy and resentful about their current arrangement. She wants these women, whom she considers \"superior wives,\" to step back and let their men do more.
It may be the key to a happier marriage.
\"If you are constantly doing stuff for your husband because you think you can do it better, he is never going to do it,\" Rubenstein said.
Later, she added, \"There is no such thing as a superwoman, and we've got to stop expecting that of ourselves and the way to do that is to get men to step up to the plate. They have been coasting for a long time.\"
But other researchers dispute Rubenstein's claim that women need to do less at home to make their marriages better. In fact, most women are OK with the idea of housework not being split 50-50, said Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia.
Most women just want to feel like the distribution of chores is \"equitable,\" or fair, in their marriages. They also want a husband who is emotionally involved, said Wilcox.
\"If a husband is emotionally engaged with his wife, if he is affectionate, understanding and empathetic, if he expresses gratitude — that is more important than if they don't do the cooking and cleaning,\" he said.
Another perspective comes from Julie Brines with the University of Washington's Center for Research on Families. She said that while women still do more with housework and child care than men, the balance is shifting from what it was 20 to 30 years ago.
Men are more involved than ever before.
