All 'Sense' is lost in 'Sea Monsters'

"SENSE AND SENSIBILITY AND SEA MONSTERS," by Jane Austen and Ben H. Winters, Quirk Books, 344 pages, $12.95

If you thought the zombies were bad, wait until you read about the sea monsters.

This past April, "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" took the reading world by storm. Billed as 85 percent Jane Austen's original text and 15 percent brand-new blood and guts, the book has become a best-seller.

Now "Zombies" publisher Quirk Books is releasing "Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters," which adds giant lobsters and rampaging octopuses to Austen's love story at a ratio of 60 percent Austen and 40 percent monster mayhem.

The story opens as the Dashwoods — Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor, Marianne and Margaret — are forced to leave their home in Norland Park for a rickety little shanty on Pestilent Isle, which is steeped in mystery and home to savage beasts.

Elinor, who has always been sensible, has settled her marital hopes on the one and only Edward Ferrars: "I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him — that I greatly esteem him, that I like him."

Two men, however, are courting the passionate Marianne — handsome Mr. Willoughby and Colonel Brandon, a hideous man-monster who "bore a set of long, squishy tentacles protruding grotesquely from his face, writhing this way and that, like hideous living facial hair of slime green."

To find true love, the sisters must navigate their way through all the dangerous foes of Regency England — meddlesome matriarchs, ruthless rascals, societal straitjackets and, of course, the sea monsters.

Where "Zombies" was a quirky novelty, "Sea Monsters" is just plain ridiculous.

Yes, "Sea Monsters" is not meant to be taken seriously. How can you when the cover looks like something straight out of "Pirates of the Caribbean?" But this one goes too far.

Instead of creating something interesting, it seems the publisher is out to capitalize on "Zombie's" success, amping up the monster factor so far that the source material is hardly recognizable. And the accompanying illustrations are amateurish at best.

If readers can get through the first 100 pages of this one, they deserve an award.

Still not sure if this book is for you? Watch the book trailer at www.youtube.com.

e-mail: jharrison@desnews.com