This is a cautionary tale about what can happen when a middle-aged woman gets involved with Facebook.

Of course you've all heard of Facebook — that online "social utility" that helps you connect!

And share!

With the people in your life!

Facebook friends can write messages on each other's virtual "walls," such as "Hey, Gigi Ballif! Remember when you jumped the driving-range curb and took out a tree in front of Provo High School?"

It was the "wall" thing that made me sign up for Facebook in the first place.

Basically, I wanted to torture my sons by sneaking onto their walls and posting random things such as "Too bad! So sad! Your mother beat you at darts tonight!" or "Ha ha ha ha ha! How does it feel to have your MOTHER whip your sorry rear at darts?" or "Your Mother + a Fistful of Darts … Complete Domination of YOU."

What could be more fun?

So. Anyway.

I started a Facebook account, and honestly, it was a blast … for a few weeks. But then I lost interest.

One day, however, I noticed that I was getting invitations from Facebook friends to take quizzes and attend events and basically join in a lot of reindeer games.

By the time I checked in with Facebook again, there was a list of requests from "here" to "there."

And, the people, I was overwhelmed.

So I went through and declined everything in an effort to clean up my Facebook house.

After which I started to worry.

Would my Facebook friends feel bad that I'd declined an invitation to take a quiz so I could find out which country hates me?

(Dude. The answer is "Finland." I always get e-mails from Finns telling me what I got wrong whenever I write about their country. And yes! I know! Polar bears are not native to Helsinki.)

Would my Facebook friends think I was rude if I passed up an offer to play "Mafia Wars?"

HAD I UNINTENTIONALLY OFFENDED EVERY PERSON I HAVE EVER KNOWN ONLINE?

I made myself sick, just thinking about it.

So this is what I did.

I got onto my own wall and sent out a mass apology, saying how deeply sorry I was that I'd declined all those invitations and that I truly loved everyone anyway.

When my son read this, he shook his head and said I'm a dork.

Another friend explained things more gently. Declining anything on Facebook is like declining an invitation to a Tupperware party, she said.

It's no big deal.

Which is a (phew!) relief, except now I feel kind of … not savvy. And lame. And also stupid.

MORAL OF THIS STORY?

Just because something seems personal doesn't mean it is. (Especially online.)

OTHER MORAL OF THIS STORY?

If you're going to engage in something, you should at least know what the rules of engagement are.

OTHER OTHER MORAL OF THIS STORY?

Please! Ignore anything I write on your wall … or mine.

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com