How some Utah politicos spent the summer

The weather may still be hot and the autumnal equinox weeks away, but summer is kaput. Which means people are settling in around the romantic glow of the fireplace telling tall tales about their summer experiences. So we thought we'd share some true fiction about how a handful of Utah politicos spent their summers.

Gov. Gary Herbert: "I am black and blue all over. I spent the summer months pinching myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Ouch! I just did it again. I really am governor."

Sen. John Valentine: "I admit I've noodled all summer over whether I made the right decision in 2004 when I turned down Jon Huntsman's offer to be his lieutenant governor. Yes, I'm sure I made the right decision."

U.S. Ambassador to China Jon Huntsman Jr.: "What a summer it was! The appointment … the lengthy screening … the triumphant confirmation … the getting out of town on my Harley just as state revenues are collapsing and tax hikes are on the horizon ... and it's really weird over here because no one is even arguing about Utah/BYU football."

Congressman Jim Matheson: "Tough summer — dodging attacks from some really vicious critics ... otherwise known as liberal Democrats."

U.S. Sen. Bob Bennett: "Summer? What summer? I spent the last four months dodging attacks from some really vicious critics ... otherwise known as arch-conservative Republicans."

Congressman Jason Chaffetz: "You call that a vacation? I spent the whole summer hunched over a computer composing Facebook posts and tweets so that I can spam the world. But I did get a little break. I hauled my cot to the beach and took a nap."

Congressman Rob Bishop: "I am really concerned. I spent the summer dodging the news media, but someone actually mentioned my name. My perfect record of anonymity was broken. I promise to revert back to obscurity in the fall."

Sen. Orrin Hatch: "Great summer. Composed a little music. Voted against Sonia Sotomayor. Received terrific press coverage kicking liberal fanny on health-care legislation. Drove liberals apoplectic asserting that my late best friend Teddy Kennedy would have compromised on health-care reform. In other words, I affirmed my conservative credentials for 2012."

Conservative grassroots activist Gayle Ruzicka: "What a wonderful summer. We finally got a Republican in the Governor's Mansion!"