Daughter isn't responsible for her deadbeat dad

Dear Annie: My parents are married but separated. My father isn't financially stable. For some reason, he can't seem to keep a job. Currently, he's unemployed and has no car. Annie, my father is a freeloader. All he does is lie around the house and do nothing. My mother is a hard-working woman, and I respect and adore her. She does everything for my brother and me.

I'm 16 and have learned to cope with the fact that their marriage is over, although no one else in the family knows they are separated. My mother wants a divorce, but my father won't sign the papers. I know she's miserable and hurt, but she doesn't show it. Frankly, I don't think Dad can live on his own. He certainly can't support our family, and I don't think he sees us as his first priority.

I feel trapped and there's no one I can talk to about this. I know he's still my father, but I can't stand him. Any advice? — Anonymous Daughter

Dear Anonymous: You are in a tough position. It's admirable that you are standing by your mother, but your father may have problems of which you are unaware. Please know it is not your responsibility to fix your parents' relationship, make your father more responsible or break the news of the separation to your relatives. If you cannot talk about your situation with anyone in the family, try discussing your concerns with the school counselor, your best friend, a trusted adult neighbor or the parent of a friend. It will help.

Dear Annie: How do you handle family members who think every relative is their personal ATM? These people are not in serious financial trouble. They spend their own money the way they want, but every time they have a personal need, which is almost daily, they phone every member of the family until someone finally gives in just to halt the continuous calls.

This drives me up the wall, as it seems to be a never-ending problem with no solution in sight. No matter how much you help, it's never enough. There are times when they are truly in need, but it's gotten totally out of hand. If I give them $100 today, they'll ask for $300 tomorrow.

They are driving everyone nuts and pushing the entire family away. I'd appreciate any ideas. When it involves your own family members, the solution is hard to see. — Hit Up Too Often