Toddlers can smell fear.

They can actually sense the pheromones released from a parent when that parent has absolutely no idea how to handle the screaming 2-year-old who has sprawled herself in front of the ticketing line at the airport because she wants to ride the baggage carousel.

Yes, these are the moments toddlers live for.

You know they all talk about it at the park the next day. I can hear my daughter now: "My mom had no idea what to do. She just kept counting to three over and over again. It was hilarious."

It's a law of nature that kids like to see their parents freak out, and they'll do just about anything to elicit such a moment of panic.

It did, however, come as a surprise to me recently that a child as young as 2 years old could have mastered the mature art of emotional manipulation in an attempt to get the coveted shock-and-awe response.

This rude awakening happened while we were driving in the car and my daughter wanted a cookie. She was determined to get that cookie.

So determined, in fact, that when it was clear she was not getting the cookie, she looked straight at me and said, "I no love you. I love daddy. No mommy."

Ouch.

It was at that moment I realized there's a lot more going on in that little brain than just a constant loop of Elmo singing. She knows where my buttons are and how to push them … hard.

And more often than not, she pushes them when we are in public, usually standing in a checkout line next to some overly helpful grandmother who leans over to tell me I should discipline my child who has just dumped out an entire display of Kit-Kats and is now eating Chapstick that she plucked from the shelf.

I try to stay calm at these moments and pretend like this is all OK with me. "Oh yes, we're buying those," I say as I scoop up 16 candy bars with bite marks. "Yep, 16, that's just what I needed. Oh, and this Chapstick, too."

It's critical at this moment that my daughter doesn't sense my panic, or my embarrassment.

As much as I want to fall to the ground in a heap of Kit-Kats and tears, I can't.

When it comes to toddlers, you can't let them know they've affected you.

Otherwise, they win. And if they win, you can bet you've got a lifetime of shock-and-awe tactics ahead of you.

My husband and I employ this attitude of indifference when my daughter throws temper tantrums. At first, we didn't know what to do when she would have one of those slam-your-head-against-the-floor-to-get-attention kind of fits.