What qualifies as a bad-boy name, anyway?

Not too long ago, my funny friend Francie forwarded (nice alliteration!) me a piece called TOP 10 "BAD-BOY" BABY NAMES, as determined by Shippensburg University professor David Kalist.

In alphabetical order, the names are Alec, Ernest, Garland, Ivan, Kareem, Luke, Malcolm, Preston, Tyrell and Walter.

(And I personally would add "Shippensburg" to the list.)

Anyway. When I first read it I went, really? People name their boys "Garland"? That's even an option? After which I went, really? "Alec" is a bad-boy name?

The reason" Alec" jumped out at me is that one of our sons has that VERY NAME, and I can totally promise you his dad and I did NOT have the following conversation when it came to the naming part.

Me: It appears we have ourselves another boy baby to name. What are your thoughts on the subject this time around?

Husband: I say we give him the Baddest Bad-Boy name we can think of.

Me: Like Luke? Or Preston? Or Walter?

Husband: I vote for Alec.

Me: Genius! Let's go for it.

Me and husband singing in unison to our newborn: Bad boy! Bad boy! Whatch gonna do when they come for you?

So OK. Does anybody out there honestly equate "Alec" with "badness"?

Anybody except David Kalist? From Shippensburg University?

If anything, I equate the name "Alec" with khaki pants and Weejuns and Madras shirts.

Not that I even know what Madras shirts are, but that's what the "socs" wore in "The Outsiders," by S.E. Hinton, and "Alec" sort of seems like a "soc" name, especially compared to "Outsiders" names like Ponyboy, Sodapop and Two-Bit.

None of which appear on Kalist's list, I noticed.

Anyway.

We didn't choose the name "Alec" because it was a name for bad boys. Nor did we choose it because we wanted our son to be a "soc" (which I went around pronouncing "sock" the first time I read "The Outsiders," because S.E. Hinton forgot to provide me with a pronunciation guide).

We chose the name because OK, I ADMIT IT … I'm such an anglophile.

I love scones, clotted cream, Cadbury flake bars, curry and shortbread.

I love Benny Hill and Mr. Bean and Hyacinth Bucket. I love tea cups and chintz. I love gun dogs. In fact, I love gun dogs more than I love people …

I love English gardens and English novels, especially funny ones (there are lots!) like "Cold Comfort Farm."

I love the Queen.

And yes I totally want God to save her.

And her silly hats, too.

The only things I don't like are English weather and soccer. But if I did like soccer, I would cheer for Manchester United.

Anyway.

That's the true reason we chose the name "Alec." It sounded British.

Here's the deal. I've noticed that MOST parents don't set out to screw up their own kids.

We didn't. Still, I want to apologize to my boys for everything we did wrong.

And remind them that that's why therapy funds were invented.

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com