Some advice for cyclist in his time of pain

Dear Levi Leipheimer:

Dude! Sorry to hear about your accident in the Tour de France a few weeks ago. With under two miles to go and only 39 seconds behind the leader (Italian! Rinaldo! Nocentini!), you crashed into a curb and broke your wrist.

May I say I feel your pain?

LITERALLY?

As regular readers of this column may remember, I broke my right wrist in May, although let's just go ahead and state the obvious, OK?

Breaking your wrist in France is a LOT sexier than breaking it a few blocks away from the Sinclair station by your house in Salt Lake City.

But whatever.

The point is your life suddenly got a lot more complicated, didn't it?

You're probably going around saying stuff like, "Who knew you needed two hands to open a pickle jar?" and also "No matter how bad things get, PLEASE DO NOT LET ANN CANNON'S HUSBAND WASH MY HAIR."

Anyway. There it is. Breaking your wrist stinks.

You might, however, be pleasantly surprised by a few things that happen to you as a result of your injury. Here's what you can look forward to!

1. The Relief Society sisters will bring you brownies — the kind with melted marshmallow and chocolate frosting on top!

2. Your teenage sons will start loading and unloading the dishwasher without being asked first.

3. Your mother will show up with a pair of sequin-studded Ed Hardy canvas shoes because "people who break their wrists need something that sparkles. ..."

And you know what? She's completely right!

4. Your friends Floyd and DeLynne will send a funny get-well card that almost makes breaking your wrist worth it.

5. Other lovely friends and family members will bring you lovely gifts, including lovely rum bars from Mrs. Backer's.

6. Oh! And don't forget that Gigi Ballif will lend you her complete collection of "Freaks and Geeks" episodes.

HOW DID YOU NOT WATCH THAT SHOW THE FIRST TIME IT WAS ON TV? It's pretty much genius, actually.

7. Meanwhile, neighbors will seek you out and you'll discover that they, too, have broken THEIR wrists. Together you'll compare scars and swap stories and enter that special fraternity reserved for people who also have a plate and seven screws in their wrists.

You entered a similar fraternity, btw, when you had viral hepatitis that one summer when you were also pregnant.

Yes! Pregnancy + Viral Hepatitis = Good Times!

People came out of the woodwork to confess they'd had viral hepatitis, too. (Except they came to your house at night. When no one could see them.)

8. Complete strangers will materialize to open doors for you, thus restoring your faith in humanity.

9. Your husband will step up in every conceivable way. Which you knew he would. But still.

OK. We both know that it's better not to break your wrist in the first place. But I'm guessing you'll be touched by the kindnesses people show you for the next few weeks. Be sure to say thanks if you get the chance.

Sincerely,

Ann Cannon

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com