Utah woman has made peace with schizophrenia

The decade she spent dealing with the voices that wouldn't go away, the worry that she was being watched, the fear that she would be poisoned doesn't count as living.

Existing, maybe. Living? Not so much.

Yet as Liz Felt tallies the toll that schizophrenia has taken on her past, the doubtful prospects for an enduring romantic relationship and her future, there is a quiet acceptance of the way things really are, rather than how she once hoped they would be.

Her story gives life to the numbers, which show that you are likely to know someone with schizophrenia, even if you're not aware of it. Adults in the U.S. have a 1 in 100 chance of developing the disorder, though most sufferers fight desperately to hide it.

Recent news that researchers have found the disease doesn't have a single genetic cause was cold comfort to those who deal with the what, why and how of a condition that usually strikes victims in their late teens or early 20s, stealing childhood dreams before they even begin.

A report released in June by the National Center for Children in Poverty says 20 percent of adolescents have a diagnosable mental disorder; the rate jumps to 70 percent for those in trouble with the law, yet parents are afraid to explore mental illness as a possible reason for unexplained behavior.

Doctors don't fully understand schizophrenia, which has no cure.

Felt has developed self-affirming, cautious optimism in spite of the stigma attached to her condition, and a shy smile that has replaced the need she felt to hide. Those hard-won qualities recently pulled a movie theater full of Utahns from their seats for a standing ovation when Felt finally named her mental illness aloud in front of strangers in a bid for greater public understanding.

The crowd saw the embodiment of courage as years of self-consciousness and fear spilled out. The applause was reflexive, as each person who witnessed her revelation wondered whether she or he could be so brave — and whether mental illness could some day come calling after them.

At 15, Felt was living a fairly typical teenage life with her mother in Salt Lake City after her parents divorced. "Nothing I experienced as an adolescent would have led me to believe I would experience mental illness."