'Warehouse 13' is empty; '10 Things' is a hoot

Decades ago, when stations across America took down their Esso signs and replaced them with Exxon signs, the end result was — new name, same old gas.

The same can be said for the Sci Fi Channel, which today becomes SyFy. This momentous (????) occasion is marked by the premiere of the series "Warehouse 13," which is simply the latest lame attempt to "broaden" the science-fiction audience.

"Lame" is the operative word here. "Warehouse 13" is just another bloated, gassy and rather insultingly dumb show from the channel that has given us "The Dresden Files," "Eureka" and "Flash Gordon."

Imagine for a moment that Mulder and Scully of "The X-Files" were a dope and a shrew, and that they worked at that big warehouse where they put the Ark of the Covenant at the end of Indiana Jones' first movie, "Raiders of the Lost Ark." That's pretty much what's in this "Warehouse."

As the series opens (7 and 9 p.m., SyFy), Secret Service agents Pete Lattimer (Eddie McClintock) and Myka Bering (Joanne Kelly) are at odds over protecting the president. She's the anal-retentive type — everything has to be planned to the most minute detail in incredibly annoying fashion; he's the go-with-your-gut type.

Turns out both types are needed when a museum employee is possessed by an evil spirit that inhabits an ancient artifact.

Well, both types and a weird guy from Warehouse 13. Artie Nielsen (Saul Rubinek) swoops in to save the day and take that troublesome artifact back to the warehouse.

They next thing you know, Pete and Myka are transferred to Warehouse 13. The mysterious, seemingly immortal Mrs. Frederic (CCH Pounder) wants them as part of her team. And what Mrs. Frederic wants, Mrs. Frederic gets.

Myka is horrified — it's in South Dakota — but Pete is kind of intrigued. And they're both taken aback by the seemingly endless collection of bizarre and potentially dangerous supernatural items stored there.

The Secret Service agents have barely settled in when they're sent on their first assignment. It seems a college student in Iowa hit his girlfriend, and Artie thinks it might be related to some sort of supernatural item.

It makes no sense, but then nothing in "Warehouse 13" makes sense. Good science-fiction writing makes the impossible seem plausible; this kind of science-fiction writing — the bad kind — just seems ridiculous.

Anyway, Pete and Myra are soon on a little adventure to retrieve the item and save the day, which is going to be the format for coming episodes.

Those future episodes might be better if only because they're shorter. Tuesday's two-hour premiere seems to drag on a lot longer than that.