MS patient needs support outside family

Dear Annie:I am 49, the eldest of four siblings and have been suffering with multiple sclerosis for years. My family has little understanding of what living with MS is all about, even though they have seen me at my worst. I don't want their pity, but it would be nice to have some appreciation for what I'm going through and occasional assistance. Instead, in times of need, they distance themselves.

My relationship with my family is now at its worst. Last fall, I had a verbal confrontation with my mother, and she was exceptionally cruel, accusing me of "faking my disease" and "using it as an excuse for attention," and saying it means I was "punished by God and this is my just due." She said this in front of a crowd that included my entire family and perfect strangers.

Mom is not the type to apologize or admit she is wrong. If I forgive her, I am setting myself up to be verbally abused again and again, so I decided to sever this periodically toxic relationship.

What I did not realize is how it would affect my relationship with my siblings. Whenever there is a family event, such as a nephew's birthday, I am not informed or invited if my mother will be present. These events take place less than two miles from my home, doable for a person with unrelenting fatigue, but I am not given the opportunity to attend. I get the clear picture that until Mom is no longer around, I am a ghost in the family. I truly feel I am watching evil win and have lost faith that my siblings and their children will ever respect me. What can I do?

— N.

Dear N.: We understand this is difficult and painful, and you are perfectly justified in avoiding your mother. But when you cut off a relationship with a parent, you cannot expect your siblings to do the same. What's truly sad is they don't seem to understand your illness. Please contact the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (nationalmssociety.org) at 1-800-344-4867, and find the support and understanding you are missing.

Dear Annie:Do any of your readers have husbands who holler when they yawn? My husband has been doing this for years. He recently had surgery, and because we worried about his recovery, every time he yawned and hollered, his daughter and I would run into his room to see if he had fallen or something.

He doesn't make this noise in public, so I know he can control it if he chooses. Any suggestions to get him to stop "crying wolf"?

— Tired of It