BYU researcher examines single fathers' challenges

Being a good dad can be hard.

The task can be even more daunting for single men whose own fathers may have let them down.

This often-neglected segment of the parenting population is the focus of a study by BYU sociologist Renata Forste as part of an ongoing examination of single, low-income fathers who want to be good dads but often don't know how. The study was published in a recent issue of the journal Fathering.

"I think what this study does is give voice to this group of men who want to be good fathers, but they face a lot of challenges," Forste said. "They need support. They want somebody they can talk to to learn how to do things.

"These dads are poor. They're unmarried. Their own fathers commonly were a lesson in what not to do," she said.

A clear theme emerged from in-depth interviews with 36 such single dads: Their relationships with their own fathers determined whether they were likely to succeed or fail in their own parenting ventures.

The men who felt close to their fathers tried to "pass the baton" and be a nurturing parent who balances work and family time.

In contrast to his own father, David, 24, was willing to spend less time at his business to have time for his daughter:

"My father worked probably closer to 14 to 15 hours a day, so we weren't as close as I wanted to be. (My daughter) needs to know who I am; she needs to be a part of my life, therefore I'm not able to dedicate 24 hours a day, seven days a week to my job. I try to spend as much time with her as I can. I try to make the time where I can actually take time off work"

Forste said that the role of fathers has shifted over the past few decades.

"In the 1950s, it was very much the breadwinner role," she said. "But there's been a change since then. Fathering has been expanded more to involve the nurturing role. We were looking at what these men, who don't have wives or financial resources or education, draw on to become fathers."

Jared Gabbitas, of Santaquin, was not involved in the study, which was conducted in an unidentified major Western city. But as a single father who shares custody of his four children, Gabbitas shares many of the same concerns.

Gabbitas spends every weekend with his children, who range in age from 3 to 13. He said being an involved single father can be difficult but it is also rewarding.

"This is my family; this is what I do," Gabbitas said. "I spend time with my kids on the weekend rather than doing the kind of thing many single men do on their days off."

Gabbitas, who works for the Utah County Sheriff's Department in the juvenile court, said his father was a good role model.