"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Q: Many years ago, I saw a movie with Jeff Chandler and Loretta Young. They were married and had a child, but something happened that made her leave the marriage, so she joined a magician who went to birthday parties to entertain the children. She did that so she could see her child. Can you give me the name of the movie?

A: Awwww. That's the 1952 film "Because of You," although the complete title should be "Because of You (I'm a Magician's Assistant)."

Q: I was wondering if you could help me with an old TV show I used to watch either in the late-1960s or early '70s. It was about a wilderness family living out West somewhere without parents, and there were a lot of kids. I had a coloring book about them. Please tell me there was such a show!

A: Sure there was such a show! You don't think they go around making coloring books willy-nilly, do you?

That was "The Monroes," which ran on ABC from 1966 to '67. Michael Anderson Jr. played the head of the clan, Clayt, and assorted siblings were played by Barbara Hershey, Keith and Kevin Schultz, Tammy Locke, and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver. (Just kidding.)

Q: Was Christopher Reeve ever a character on a soap opera?

A: Yes. Reeve played Ben "Beanie" Harper on a CBS soap from 1974-76, just before he was cast as Superman. "Love of Life" ran on CBS from 1951-80, and as you might recall, Ben was the son of Meg, who was involved with mobster Miles Pardee and was sent up the river for his murder, which she didn't commit, because, although she wasn't very nice, there are some things even mean women won't do.

Write David Inman in care of The (Louisville, Ky.) Courier-Journal, 525 W. Broadway, P.O. Box 740031, Louisville, Ky. 40201-7431; or e-mail him at incredibleinman@yahoo.com. Questions of general interest will be answered; personal replies are not possible.