A real keeper

Sports Museum of America is going bankrupt and selling off its assets.

Among the items are a Lance Armstrong Tour de France yellow jersey and Brandi Chastain's black sports bra from the 1999 World Cup.

I know, I know. Cool stuff.

But what I'm really looking for is the shorts Bryon Russell lost guarding Michael Jordan in the '98 playoffs.

A shot in the dark

LSU football coach Les Miles is taking a stand, along with other school leaders, opposing legislation that would allow concealed weapons on campus.

"Having worked on a college campus for most of my career, I know that firearms do not belong on campus," said Miles in a press release.

True enough, but wait — is outlawing guns really what he wants?

That could spell the end of rifle arms, bullet passes and shotgun formations.

And don't think baseball is far behind.

Next on the list: pitchers who "throw bbs."

Under protest

Attention football haters: The NFL season could get longer.

League officials are considering adding two games to the regular season schedule, which would push the Super Bowl into mid-February.

In an unrelated note, the Football Widows of America say they are planning to extend their PMS from one week to two.

Presidential pause

The Sportscurmudgeon's Jack Finarelli raised a valid point last week, asking whether it's time for the White House to stop hosting championship sports teams.

He noted that wasting the president's valuable time isn't the only issue...

"My reason for suggesting this moratorium has nothing to do with that angle; my reason is that these photo ops have become as interesting as an announcement that John Madden has released a rap CD."

Briefly speaking

The next time a coach gets hired and insists it's not about the money, consider the recent Guitar Hero commercial on TV featuring Roy Williams, Rick Pitino, Mike Krzyzewski and Bob Knight.

What other reason would they be dancing around in their undies?

League of his own

Lake County, Ill., is starting up a minor league baseball team and one part-owner is Mr. Ray Kinsella himself, Kevin Costner.

On the club's Web site, Costner even quotes from his famous "Field of Dreams."

Meanwhile, fans are invited to vote for the team name. Among the considerations: Cowpokes, Fielders, Skippers, Luckies and Comets.

No word on how many people voted to name the team the "Monotone Actors."

Dom gone

Headline in The Onion satire publication: "Gwendolyn Monroe Mourns Death of Ex-Husband Dom MiMaggio."