Only those who have lived it know the frustration of being unable to gain weight. When I was in my early 20s, my mom decided she was going to "put some meat on those bones," even though she didn't have much on her own. She ordered me to drink at least one milkshake a day, besides my normal diet. So I did.

Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.

It's a good thing for me steroids hadn't yet become common or I might have taken a chance.

For the five years I covered Triple-A baseball, I would sometimes eat dinner at home, then eat any or all of the following things at the game: burgers, fries, soft drinks, ice cream, licorice, nachos. When I returned home, I would often find cake or brownies sitting on the kitchen table, so I'd sample that, too.

Next morning I'd get on the scales.

Nada.

Dave Blackwell, the late sports radio personality, told me I looked like "an advance man for a famine."

Still, my suggestion to A.K. is to try his hardest and enjoy the ride. That new Kentucky Grilled Chicken? Forget it. Give him the old school stuff, and don't skimp on the gravy.

Coach's orders.

Nobody wants to be the first person ever to fail at a job for not eating enough.

e-mail: rock@desnews.com