OK. It's the Monday after. Time for my annual Mother's Day post-mortem, wherein I ask myself why I just do NOT dig this holiday.

At all!

Even though my husband and kids always step up with big happy baskets of red geraniums, which I sincerely appreciate.

Thank you, husband and kids!

I love my big happy baskets of red geraniums!

But still. There it is. Seriously, I'd be THRILLED if we never had to celebrate Mother's Day again. Why?

Well, it's complicated.

Deseret News blogger Erin Stewart picked up a piece of the Mother's-Day-Elephant-in-the-Living Room puzzle last week.

She compassionately addressed the reality of women who (for whatever reasons) don't fit into the traditional motherhood mold. It was a thoughtful piece, and I suggest you all read it for extra credit.

Here's my problem: Mother's Day is a fake holiday. Sort of like Halloween in France.

For reasons known only to themselves, the French have decided to observe Halloween. I know this because we were there in October once, and while I admired everyone's efforts to get into the "spirit" (ha!) of things, I kept asking, Pourquoi?

(And here's another thing I want to know: Why does the French language have so many unnecessary vowels? MEMO TO FRENCH PEOPLE: STOP HOGGING THE WORLD'S SUPPLY OF VOWELS!)

Anyway, Halloween did not evolve organically in France, unlike grapes and snails and old men who sit in the park all day wearing berets.

No. It took an AMERICAN to figure out (a) if you dress up like a mummy, (b) your neighbors will give you free candy.

Way to go, Team USA!

Mother's Day is the same sort of deal. It didn't evolve over the centuries. On the contrary, it was an idea picked up from Anna Jarvis (American lady) by Hallmark (American card company), and the rest is commercial history.

Even Anna Jarvis at the end of her life said Mother's Day was a stupid idea.

According to that Sourcebook of Truth (i.e. Wikipedia) Jarvis reportedly said, "a printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother — and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment!"

So angry was Anna Jarvis about the commercialization of Mother's Day that she and her sister, Ellsinore, spent their inheritance campaigning against it. Anna was even arrested once for disturbing the peace.

What can we glean from this? That Anna Jarvis stopped taking her meds?

OBVIOUSLY.

Come on, Anna Jarvis! You and your sister, Ellsinore, spent all your money fighting to ban Mother's Day?

Seriously?

You two girls didn't think it would be more fun to buy some smart new clothes and take a cruise to the Greek Islands?

But whatever.

Anna Jarvis (who died in poverty, incidentally) did have a point.

You should call your mother on Mother's Day … and the day AFTER Mother's Day, too.

And dude. Please. Do not eat all the candy.

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com