Face harsh reality of pornography

Published: Thursday, April 30, 2009 12:05 a.m. MDT
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You don't have to attend LDS general conference, be party to memos from the general authorities or even be privy to the gossip in the chapel parking lots to know the issue of pornography is Excedrin Headache No. 67 for LDS bishops and other local clergy these days.

Pornography has been around forever, of course. It's just never been as available as cookie recipes before.

Human beings and sexuality will forever be a wedding of kerosene and matches. And other parts of the world have more to worry about than Utah.

But how did pornography get a foothold in the Mormon culture?

Is it a rebellious thing? An escape valve for people trying to keep a lid on things?

Yes.

Do some men feel they missed out on the "fun" when they were younger and are making up for it now?

Yes.

Is it a bad compromise for men who are trying to stay true?

That, too.

Human beings are very complicated. And sexuality may be the most complicated part of being human. Finding answers to sexual questions can be a little like looking for a shard of glass in a house of mirrors.

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Let me say I'm still 12 years of schooling shy of a degree in psychiatry, but I do notice things. And I've noticed when LDS men get lost in the woods of pornography, they usually have a dozen explanations — partly because they don't have one good one. So, apart from the standard "the devil made me do it," here are a few of the explanations you hear:

What guys say:

There's no "relationship" in pornography, so there's no betrayal. Other guys cheat. I look at porn. Compared to them, I'm faithful.

The reality:

Keeping your spouse in the dark about addictions and bad behavior undermines bonding. For women, it's a trust issue. If you don't believe that, ask one.

What guys say:

The "natural man" is a natural "hound dog." This is how men are wired. Sex is like a drug inside of us.

The reality:

The natural man is also self-centered, irresponsible and aggressive. Learning to tamp him down is called "growing up" — not an easy thing to do, but doable.

What guys say:

Sex isn't like drugs or smoking. They're bad in every situation. But sex is on a sliding scale. It is encouraged at times and forbidden at others. There are bikinis at the city pool, nudity in Oscar-winning movies. I have no idea where the boundaries are.

The reality:

Yes, you do.

What guys say:

So what's the big deal? Spare me the scolding. It's not like reading Playboy is a crime.

The reality:

No, it's not. But when you buy into a religious culture that says it's a moral lapse, you have to decide where you stand. Live the code and ask to be pardoned when you fail, or don't live it at all. But faking it just poisons everything.

In the end, looking at porn is a rather safe sin. Nobody can smell it on your breath or produce photographs where it left bruises. Looking at it is legal, common and simpler these days than getting into your own bank account.

That's why it's so common — here and elsewhere.

It is also what makes avoiding it — or overcoming an addiction to it — a barometer of character.

Jerry Johnston is a Deseret News staff writer. "New Harmony" appears weekly in the Mormon Times section.

E-MAIL: jerjohn@desnews.com

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