Moms: The decision to work comes with a dose of guilt

I'm one of the lucky working moms who has a large web of local family support. Our delicately balanced child-care system includes my mom, mother-in-law and a layer of aunt and uncle backups. And I have a fair amount of flexibility worked into my schedule.

But hardly a week goes by without some kink knocking the system out of balance, causing me to constantly revisit my decision to work instead of stay at home.

Most recently, that kink was in my mom's knee.

I found her hobbling around one evening when I arrived to pick up Brody. That hobble, we later found out, was the result of a snapped ACL (knee ligament). And as I drove her to the emergency room, the all-consuming question danced around in the back of my mind: "Who was going to watch Brody?"

I assumed that question, nestled in the arms of guilt, would be solved by the time my first son was born eight months ago. And in many ways, it was.

But along with his wide, toothless grin, Brody has introduced a life full of kinks.

Most of those kinks are fun, like the Saturday originally designated for house cleaning that is spent playing instead, or the spontaneous weekend trip to North Carolina so Brody can see his Papa.

And then it's Monday, and the kink works it way into our child-care plan.

Who is going to watch Brody?

Of course, that kink has a buddy — guilt.

There's guilt for leaving the baby. And then there's guilt for relying on others, guilt for working in the evening when I can't get all of my hours in during the day, and, most of all, guilt for imposing a hectic schedule on my family.

My mom has agreed to wake up at 4 a.m. so she can get home from work by 1:30 p.m. In the meantime, my mother-in-law spends her free time between school bus runs at my house. And when there's a kink, they all pitch in extra hours.

It's during those overtime hours that guilt tightens its grip. I'm a do-it-yourselfer, so asking for help is counter-intuitive.

And, though the grandparents longed for this baby, they've already raised their children.

But, financially, the decision has been made. I will be a working mom for the foreseeable future.

And, aside from my moments of guilt, I know that decision will not scar my child.