Real intimacy goes beyond one valentine a year

What wasn't in the valentine:

Just a few days ago I sat in a church meeting where intimacy was discussed with adults-only present.

You could have heard a pin drop. Here we were, grown adults, parents, even empty nesters, and the tension was palpable. As I considered the three excellent points presented about spiritual, emotional and physical intimacy, I had to keep myself from rounding up everyone in a group circle and inviting couples to discuss key points privately.

So, being a columnist, I will beg your indulgence to consider a few thoughts here and to share them with your one and only.

Discover your spiritual connection.

You likely didn't read that on a valentine, but the deeper the intangible connection, the greater the natural outpouring and desire for tangible connection.

Each of us has a spiritual side with the need to access and develop it in a way that brings unity. In doing so, we are not in a race, and we are not on the same timeline.

I don't demand how my husband fulfills his spiritual side, and he doesn't demand how I fulfill mine. I will say that when I see him serving someone, teaching our children spiritual principles or reading to them from scriptural text, I feel a great desire to give him a smooch.

Obviously, this has been a great benefit to both of us.

Recognize the emotional need for continued courting.

Why do wives wear old bathrobes and hair clips?

Why do husbands sport love handles and two-day-old sweats?

They've lost the desire to court (or they've just had a baby, same thing). If a husband wants a fab wife, I recommend he start the Eight-Cow Wife Treatment, with one caveat. DO NOT MAKE IT AN AGENDA ITEM.

Like a husband who sees an open marriage book, a woman can smell an agenda a mile away.

Approach your spouse with the desire in your heart to love her fully and fabulously. As you do, miracles will happen.

My husband is stellar in this, and although he admits he did not start stellar, he has developed stellar (the beautiful "how" of such development would require another column). He takes me on lovely weekly dates and frequently brings home my favorite flowers, movie or confection.