How do you review a book you really hate?

OK, I was going to start off this column by telling my male readers they didn't need to stick around because today's topic is "book groups" and "what to do if you're assigned to review a book you really, really hate."

QUESTION: How much do you hate this book?

ANSWER: You hate this book so much you want to put YOUR OWN EYES OUT so you'll have an excuse to stop reading it because that would be less painful.

Usually if you hate a book you can, in fact, stop reading it without resorting to drastic measures involving body parts such as eyeballs.

(UNLESS you're my son and you've been assigned to read "The Scarlet Letter," in which case get back to work! Dude. You haven't earned the right to stop reading a book just because you think Roger Chillingsworth is a dirtbag who had no business marrying Hester Prynne in the first place.)

The problem occurs when it's your turn to present that book to your book group, which means you HAVE to keep on reading it, even if your brain explodes, thereby causing your face to melt and run down the front of your new sweater.

That's the problem I'm having right now. I have to present a book I loathe tomorrow night.

And I desperately need some advice from all my sistahs out there who belong to book groups, too.

Ladies! How do I get through this?

But now I'm wondering if it's sexist of me to automatically assume that men all over the valley aren't getting together the first Tuesday of every month to discuss "Eat, Pray, Love" (not the book I'm reviewing BTW). So guys, I've changed my mind. Stick around, because I want to hear from you. In fact, I'd really love it if you'd answer the following questions for me.

1. Are you now or have you ever been in a book group?

2. And while we're at it, are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?

3. Was it a co-ed book group? In other words, was it a book group you attended with your girlfriend or wife?

4. Did you start going to your book group with your significant other because she made you?

5. What kinds of books did you read?

6. Did you ever go OT in your book group and talk about other stuff like your daughter's upcoming wedding and whether or not you should include a photo in the invitation? (I vote for photos.)

7. If it is indeed true that more women belong to book clubs than men, why do you think that is?

8. Would you personally ever consider belonging to a book group? Why or why not? Discuss.

9. And while we're at it, would you ever consider belonging to the Communist Party? Why or why not? Discuss.

I'm just curious. If you write and I decide to write another column on the topic, I won't use your real name. Looking forward to hearing from you!

E-Mail: acannon@desnews.com