A friend of mine recently got her 20-week ultrasound, only to find out that the baby she was convinced was a boy was actually a girl.

She broke into tears in the ultrasound room — not because she was so unhappy about having a girl but because her whole expectation of her life as a first-time mom was completely shaken.

I hate to say it, but it won't be the last time.

Motherhood is a minefield of shattered expectations.

Just when you think you've cleared one and you're exactly the kind of mother you hoped, another land mine pops up to throw you off your course and call into question everything you thought you knew.

And what's left behind is the wreckage of the aspirations we all had for ourselves, our spouses and even our children.

How many of us would love to go back in time and take back all the times we uttered this phrase: "My baby will never … (fill in snooty comment here)" or "When I'm a mom I will never … (fill in unattainable standard here)."

I, for example, can only laugh when I think of the expectations I had for my foray into motherhood.

I used to say things like, "My child will never behave that way in public."

Cut to Nicole sprawled out on the floor in the airport security line last week. I gently tried to coax her into getting up as people politely stepped around her and tried not to stare.

I swear I saw the same look on several faces that said, "I will never allow my kid to do that."

I also used to think that I would suddenly know what to do once I had a baby.

This is the belief that made it possible to give that final push in the labor room, believing wholeheartedly that my maternal nature would be born right along with Nicole. I would suddenly know all the words to every nursery rhyme and how to diagnose a fever with a kiss.

Not so.

In fact, I am still constantly amazed that I was allowed to leave the hospital with a baby.

Somehow, though, I scrape by — as all moms do — and learn a little bit each day thanks to helpful neighbors, books and random women in the grocery store.

Perhaps the biggest expectation I had was that I would cherish every moment and challenge.

Oh, that's a good one.

I blame this mommy expectation on the cover of pregnancy books that show a well-rested, happy woman in a field of wildflowers as her child dances among the swaying reeds.

Idyllic. Peaceful. Totally untrue.

The truth is, motherhood is hard. It's a constant barrage of self-doubt, worry and laundry punctuated by occasional moments of such deep love and joy that you finally understand the phrase "bursting with pride."

Fortunately, what's left after all these expectations have been dashed to bits is still you — just better and wiser.

My friend will be a great mom — to a boy or a girl. It just may be a different journey than the one she imagined.

I haven't yet figured out what kind of a mom I am or what my journey will be like, and maybe that's the best I can hope for — to always be changing and striving to be a better mom tomorrow than I am today.

After all, I'm not just raising a baby here, I'm becoming a mom.

Erin Stewart's blog, Just4Mom, can be found Tuesdays and Thursdays at deseretnews.com.

E-mail: estewart@desnews.com