Columnists offer help interpreting 'legislative-speak'

Those dark clouds gathering on the horizon this weekend are more than just a cold front moving in. Nature is responding to the collection of strange and bizarre forces converging in the state Capitol.

In other words, the Legislature starts tomorrow. We offer our assistance in interpreting "legislative-speak" — what politicos will be saying over the next 45 days, and what they really mean.

Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr.: "I'm confident the Legislature will support the comprehensive agenda I am offering this session." ("Hey, did any one of you guys get 80 percent against a major party opponent? I don't think so. I got the juice and you don't!")

GOP legislators: "We appreciate the efforts of Gov. Huntsman and his input into the legislative process." ("We been running the show for years and it ain't changing now.")

Appropriations Committee members: "Your program provides important services to many citizens, and we pledge serious consideration of your funding request." ("Sorry, we're slashing your budget.")

State agency director: "If you make those cuts, it will hurt innocent people." ("I don't want to lose my convention trips every year.")

Legislative leaders: "We know these budget cuts are very difficult to make, and we will make them fairly and judiciously." ("My pet project will be fully funded.")

Gov. Huntsman: "Our administration will work collaboratively with President Obama." ("A sweet Cabinet spot could come open at any time.")

All legislators: "We will approach all issues with open minds and seek to do what's best for citizens." ("I can't wait to hammer those who opposed me in the election.")

The governor's press office: "We appreciate the role of the legislative branch." ("We have already scheduled press conferences in advance to take credit for whatever good comes out of the session.")

Ambitious legislators: "It's important to me to travel and communicate with citizens throughout the state, to address their concerns." ("I am running for governor.")

Ambitious legislators: "We'll draw new congressional district boundaries to create a 4th District in a fair and precise manner, keeping communities of interest intact in compact districts." ("We'll gerrymander like crazy to create a great district for me.")

All legislators: "We won't raise taxes to balance the budget." ("Sure hope all that federal stimulus money comes soon.")